Sometimes we get scared....

At 12:30 AM, we drove to the hospital.  Christian's breathing was labored and fast, and he had only one wet diaper in a day.  He also needed another feeding tube placed as his came out when he threw up.  Upon arrival we found out that Christian was running a temperature, and his oxygen saturation was lower than the normal at ninety-four percent.  We also learned that his platelets were at a low 14,000.  Everything was going okay until the NG tube was replaced... The Doctor said the nurse probably hit a blood vessel in his nose which caused his nose to bleed into his stomach, which made him throw up a cup of blood.  No exaggeration! It was probably one of the worst experiences of my life so far.  I'm not scared of blood, or grossed out, but I am scared when my child throws up blood...a lot of blood.  All I could think was that my son was dying right in front of me, and how he was going through hell.  I instantly felt sick and started panicking, I can't describe how it felt really, but just imagine a time when you felt like your world was ending and multiply that by ten.  I was seriously scared....Chris, my husband, was really scared too, we kept looking at each other, knowing what the other was thinking, but trying to stay calm.  Everything is OK now, but it's not good.  We are sitting in the hospital bed watching 'The Mickey Mouse Club House,' and it's quiet.  Christian hasn't been talking that much lately but it's not hard to tell that he feels like absolute crap.  I think he wants the silence, talking is too hard.  So for now, we will continue to sit here, hand in hand, and try to forget that radiation starts again in the morning.