I've been contemplating writing about Christian's journey for some time now, and since I can't seem to talk much about him without wanting to cry, I figured writing would be a little easier. If you don't already know me, then you should know that I'm writing about my son, Christian. Christian has been fighting cancer for almost three of his four years of life. He had a great prognosis when he was first diagnosed with a stage three Wilms Tumor. Ninety percent. That was his chance of being cancer free for the rest of his life. And he even had a favorable histology! Now, almost three years later, his tumor has grown back for the third time. And it keeps growing back faster and faster each time. From November 2014 to late December 2014 a eleven by five centimeter tumor grew in his chest while receiving treatments. In November, the tumor he had in there was removed, but I guess cancer has a mind of its own. Now, he sleeps soundly, just a few feet away from me in a hospital bed. He just received intensive chemo for three days. All I can do is be here with him. I sit in on a couch bed next to the window and cry. Two members of the PACT team just came in to talk to me. They gave me a brochure and want to set up a time to talk about Quality of Life. Those words make me cry....when I see them, or hear them. Who would have thought that at twenty-one years old, I would have to be making decisions about my son's quality of life? My heart breaks for him because he's too young to know what's happening to him, he feels bad all the time and doesn't understand why. Sometimes, though, I think it's a blessing in disguise because he doesn't have to be scared about dying. But I'm scared. How am I supposed to live without my son? If I'm being punished for all my mistakes, why does he have to suffer? Why are there no answers? Why? If there is a bigger picture, I don't want there to be.....I just want to be here with him, forever. I don't know how Christian, and other kids like him do this. How do they stay strong? How do they have hope? I don't know anything anymore, except that those kids are the bravest people in the world.
I cried with you reading this, as I have been a cheerleader and prayer warrior for Christian for some time, watching for updates to share from Gram Tish's fb page. Asking others to pray for him also. A bunch of us also voted for him in the photo contest, which we were so glad he won, that was fun. Jensen you are stronger then you give yourself credit for, but I know it becomes tiring and we ask ourselves why? Nobody can anwer that with clarity, only with hope in our faith that God is in control and knows the ending. He uses the bad things in this fallen, evil world to bring good to those He holds close to his heart. In times of desperation we drew nearer to God. I want you to know that I will continue to pray for Christian and your family in your journey. I also wanted to share with you an article I recently shared on my timeline from Pastor Greg Laurie. He knows the heartache of losing a son and has ministered to many. In closing I want to thank you for sharing your precious little boy with many of us, he is special and shows much courage and joy, which speaks to many. May God Bless your days ahead and give you unmeasurable strength.
ReplyDeleteGreg Laurie
What Happens to Children When They Die?
"Let the little ones come to me for of such is the kingdom of heaven"
—Matthew 19:14
Someone asked this question on my Facebook page.
"My family lost our 14 month old daughter on June 2, and so my question is, what happens to babies when they die? I believe they go to heaven, but as I was reading that people in heaven know about what is happening here on earth, do babies know what is going on? Do they have someone guiding them? Seeing that she was so young, how will she know?"
My response:
Thanks for your question.
I am so very sorry that your daughter left you so soon. This must be heartbreaking for you and your family, but Michael, I have good news: Your daughter is in heaven. Jesus said "Let the little ones come to me for of such is the kingdom of heaven" (Matthew 19:14). I believe when children die, they go into God's presence. When King David's child died, he said "I will go to him one day, but he cannot return to me" (2 Samuel 12:23 NLT).
Yes Michael, if you have put your faith in Christ, you will go to your daughter one day and be reunited with her. You do not have to worry about your daughter knowing what is going on, as you asked, for Scripture teaches when we arrive in heaven we will know far more than we do now. The Bible says, "Now we see things imperfectly, like puzzling reflections in a mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarity. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God now knows me completely" (1 Corinthians 13:12 NLT).
When you arrive in heaven, your daughter will recognize you and you her. As far as someone guiding her, the answer is yes. Jesus is, and she is safe with Him.
Hope that helps.
Thank you so much, I'm am truly blessed to have so many people praying for Christian and our family. I'm trying to take it day by day, but it's been really hard for me to focus on what's right here right now. I'm trying to stay positive and hopeful for Christian....praying for a miracle.
DeleteMy son shipped out the same day as Chris. And since I found Tish on FB, I have been following Christian's battles. I wish there was something I could do to ease what you and Christian and your family are going through. My family and I, and the CG Moms, continue to pray daily. <3
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